More Ponderings:

Why would Dodge make a car called Ram?
I should stop doing these. they are kinda boring huh?
Can you put a Gay man in a straight jacket?

Denial.Rejection.Refusal

I hate those words. What a terrible title to use. But I have none better.
Bravo! very impressive. I bet you found it accidently didnt you?
Mini Guapo If you can read this I would like to congrate you!
Date #4 Let me know of your genious though, I'd like to know so comment If you can read this little bit of white text. I like leaving surprises :)
We went downtown and walked around window shopping. I love going down there to just wander around among all the lights, excitement and busy people hurrying about.
I should put more spaces in so I can fill them up with random words.
We went in Tilt, the arcade, and he played two games of DDR. He is getting really good and can dance to many on Standard difficulty. I enjoy watching people who are as quick as he is.
Mini Guapo taught me a new word on date three: Pulchritude.
It started to rain again, but this time it was really coming down hard. We headed back to the car and drove to his house. For dinner we had really yummy soup. I had a few refills before dessert which was a pumpkin cake and cream cheese roll. –Mmm…it was heavenly. We then watched the musical “Thoroughly Modern Millie”. During the movie's intermission we ate really delicious homemade peppermint ice cream that his dad made. The real El Guapo asked me to kindly remove all the places/names so now its empty.
After the movie we decided that I’d better get heading home. He drove me to where my car was parked and on the way he asked me if I would ever consider dating.

He wanted to be my boyfriend. And I told him that we couldn’t have that. I am not ready for that kind of relationship right now with him. And truthfully I don’t know if I would ever be ready. The hardest part is that I don’t have any clear reasons. There are many I could write but so many of them can be looked past or overcome.

I really like hanging out with him. I always have loads of fun with him and he is always making me laugh. His family is sweet, nice and seem to enjoy my company. I truly hope that we can be good friends although we live so very far away.

I had been blind to his intentions and now I've rejected him. I feel awful. I do however know that we wouldn't have worked out. I am so sorry. Five guys have now asked me out and I've said no to all five.

Absolutes:

-Everyone hates the way that their voice sounds on an answering machine
-We are all addicted (don't say you are not because you will be lying)
-We all engage in trangressive behaviours (however we justify them well)
-We all have an accent. some sound better than others though
-Everyone has thought that there were hidden cameras watching them at some point (and most believe that their life is camera-worthy) I love you Crisco! I have fun coming up with responses to your comments.
Feel free to add your own to the list

Lunch with Mr. Brown

Yumm… You gotta love Fazolis! Whoever thought of making Italian fast food is a genious! Mmmm....Toasty! Quiznos Rules!
I made a "Build your own pasta" -Fettacini Alfredo topped with Garlic Shrimp. And Brown got a Grilled Chicken Panini. We ate plenty of those delicious Garlic Breadsticks (They are the reason I go there. he, he) Here is another secret message (he, he)
While there his Coach Chris of many fond years came in with his son. And on our way out we ran into Heather Zundel going in with her mom. Goodness its been forever since I've seen her. What fun.
I love ya Mr. Brown. Lets go to lunch again sometime :)

100 things you may or may not know about me

11- I haven't seen a whole movie that I've sat through for a while now.
12- I am evolving: I am learning to sleep places I never thought possible
13- I love holding hands,
14- I think warm oatmeal cookies go best with a cool glass of apple juice
15- Christmas time is so very Merry and I couldnt love the feeling more
16- It's one o'clock but I am not sleepy yet tonight. I wonder why
I plan on it hitting me soon though
17- I dream most before I fall asleep and after I wake in the mornings
18- I love sleeping in late for no reason other than that I love my cozy feather bed
19- Lying in my bed feels like a big bear hug Mmmm...
20- I love big bear hugs. But not as much as I love holding hands

Vince

Date number? Sorry I really haven't a clue. Maybe 789, or 864 :)
We went to his work Christmas party. Too bad he recently started and is kinda antisocial at work. However his sister, bro-in-law and cute nephew was there to hang out with. Santa came and gave his nephew a huge Tonka truck. The two year old was driving like a maniac hitting ankles, shoes, tables, chairs and other innocent victims. But the laughs were certainly worth it. There has been major drinking at this party other years. Too bad not this year. I love laughing at the crazy things drunks do. -Please dont judge me because I wrote that folks okay?
Movie after at my house. Bourne Supremacy. (I saw Bourne Identity last week with Adonis, but too bad I won't be writing anything about that adventure for you all to read.) Then we had a political debate which I somehow started. NOT a good idea folks! We had our first ever "argument" last Saturday. It's certainly a good thing he loves me too much to kill me :) Michael would be very sad to know that Bryon held my hand first :(
"Come the millennium month twelve in the home of the greatest power, The village idiot will come forth to be acclaimed the leader." -Nostradamus, 1555

My first Blind Date

I have not laughed so hard in my entire life!
My gut hurt, my smile hurt, and my heart hurt because I knew I could never have him. Boondocks for dinner. He must have read my mind because I LOVE phillipino food! Comedy show downtown after. Again I must say that I haven't laughed so good for too long. Cute guy, sweet, return missionary, super sense of humor, gentleman. He was everything I want...And more :)
Problem? again I am too young, and my sister hooked us up. -This means that he originally thought I was more like her. I think I thoroughly disappointed him. We also doubled with sweet Winx and she is everything I am not. He loved her many ever-changing facial expressions. Come on, who doens't? Oh well, I set a new record for my laugh hurting so much :)

Mini Guapo

We went on date number three Saturday afternoon. The first was a BBQ in Ogden and the second a ward party and movie.
We ate lunch at European Connections in Jordan Landing. We had plenty of time so we visited Circuit City to play some Xbox. The movie we saw was Pride and Predudice, its a really good chick-flick. Afterwards we got ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. I got a "Peanut Butter Cup Perfection." -Mmm, that is so good!
We listened to the same different music and had the same GREAT time as the first two. We had a nice after date chit-chat in the car outside my house. He is a great gentleman -it seems all very natural for him :) Dang why does he have to be so extremely hot?

Mr. Retreat

Two Saturdays ago my student ward had a winter retreat at a cabin in Park City. I went to the institute to join a carpool heading up the canyon, and there he was: Mr. tall, dark, handsome, big truck, muscular, corduroys and that captivating smile. He opened all the doors –we weren’t on a date. The reason I carpooled with him is because Adonis was working late. Sometimes great things come from unfortunate situations. After a dinner of salad, wussy rolls and instant potatoes, he asked me on a date for Friday.
On the date: We ate a delicious homemade dinner (which he made entirely by himself) at his studio apartment. I have never eaten better on a date EVER! We were joined my his sister and brother-in-law. Afterwards we went to Chronicals of Narnia downtown. Both dates he has given me really good gum. I gotta have more :)
Stats:
He is going to ITT tech to learn how to make video games for a living. He is 24 yrs old and doesn’t know I am only 18 yet. He invited me to go caroling with his family sunday.
He grew up in Oklahoma. His youngest sisters name is mine and the sister I met is my newest friend. He could pull off being a firefighter. (Ya, he is that tough) He wears the same deodorant that Vince, Curtis and Adonis does. EVERYONE seems to wear it
I would love to go on a second :)

2 ½ years

Mr. Brown seems to think I am well experienced in the world of dating because I date much more than him. I however, disagree. I know next to nothing. I am confident that I won’t be an expert dater until I have been in every imaginable situation with every kind of guy in every stage of relationship. This is quite impossible of course. But I am going to start now to get as much experience as possible. Perhaps I will write little bits about every date I go on from now on. Well maybe I'll start with a month ago and work up. I have only 2 ½ years left to gain all of this knowledge and experience. That isn’t very much time…I had better get to work :)

Love….Drama?

No, I don’t really think so…At least not anymore.
Not since Adonis taught me patience. Yes I know he didn’t do it intentionally, but it is because of him that I no longer think love is dramatic. Heather's love life is WAY dramatic though.
Now I am not talking about the drama that includes excitement, liveliness, and surprise because I think love has plenty of that; I mean the stressful drama. The kind of drama you feel when you think too much about why things are/aren’t happening. If you are always worrying about what to do concerning your confusing love life you may relate to this kind of drama.

The reason I don’t think my love life is dramatic is because I just don’t think too much about it all. I have learned to because I would have gone crazy long by now trying to figure mine out. I have learned to just let things happen. How can anyone fall in love when they are freaking out about how dramatic love is? Your love-life is only dramatic if YOU choose to make it so.

GrizzlyButt

What is wrong with me?
Not only is he my friend, but he is completely off limits. He loves his girlfriend and she will someday marry him. Yet…again and again he tempts me. He gave me a taste and then ripped it away. I almost want to say those words but I mustn’t because they can’t be true.
The words are: I like him alot. Boring huh?
We are opposites in everyway my dear. You may love me some, but it is only a tear compared to the ocean of love you have for her. So why? Why do you take me to fancy, exotic places? Why must you put your arm around me as we watched a movie? It is all a lie and you are more aware of it than I. you are playing with me. I am your cure for loneliness while she is away. And although I know you only think of her when you are with me I am swept away. She and I happen to wear the same perfume. I know that isn’t the only reason you like me, but it is certainly deep in the explanation.
The perfume I wear is Ralph Lauren. Mmm that stuff is yummy
How can I love and hate you at the same time? We were the best buds in Elementary, oh how I wish I could turn back time. I wanted you to be mine; we loved each other before we knew what it love was. He had long hair in Elem :)
I just wish you would stop.playing.with.my.heart!-I could say that a 2nd time!
I simply can not take it anymore. My heart is elsewhere now; miles away from you. So stop playin’ your games. My heart can not be stolen away by the likes of you. No. I will resist. No amount of compliments or sweet talk will change my mind. You have to go. No matter what I have written here I still love the guy. He means too much to me.
Sorry, although I just barely told you I was interested, I won’t be going on that other “buddy” date with you. It really is cruel what you’re doing to me. But you put me through it none-the-less. You don’t care about me so stop saying it. –you need me. You NEED me……because you don’t have her.

I said this, and then you said that...

By dating Adonis I am learning a lot about myself. The largest of these is that I have a superb memory.
I can remember conversations that I have had with people years ago. And most of what I recall had no emotional impact on me. By simply pausing for a moment I can transport myself through time and space. And sitting before me will be you. Stored in my mind are thousands of words that form conversation and I can usually recall it all; including body language. Crazy enough I might just remember exactly what you are wearing. To many of you, you are probably the same way. But there are quite a few folks out there who aren’t, and it’s not because they don’t care. There is probably something much more demanding running through their thoughts. I am forever grateful for my mind and its great memory. I can’t imagine life without that vault of past conversations.

What do you think?

I began writing this back in January, it is my first attempt to write a fantasy:

The darkness flew past Aurora, as Merideth galloped swiftly through the Ruelar Woods. Her silk covered body moved as one with her Arabian stallion.

He needed her to hurry; they needed her. The people of the Dreka Village were a curious people, only coming out at night. They feared her powers greatly, but needed her badly. She would not give up until she could help them. She could feel the presence of the magical Adamantium Mountains as she drew closer.

The Jenyo which hung on a chain over her heart began glowing red…a warning of danger. -An evil was lurking near. She could feel it closing in around her. The Beast knew she was there, and He would soon show himself.

She could not stop for anything. She had not slept in three days now. But tonight she would stop and rest after she arrived in the village with him.

Merideth was the prime stallion; the fastest stallion in the old world. Looking down she could see the muscles rippling beneath her. The glossy coat looked mystical in the darkness.

Aurora loved riding fast. It made her feel like she was riding Adriean, the Emerald Dragon again. The last time she flew, she was with Rueben her love.

She could see the light growing ahead of her. They were almost out of the Woods. Suddenly something jumped out in front of them. Then there were three, then six. Their weapons were raised. Merideth skidded to a stop in front of them. Two-foot tall warriors surrounded them. They had long white beards and bald heads. They had masks covering their eyes, and were speaking to each other in a language she did not understand. They had bare chests and loin cloths. They were all draped with stone-bead necklaces. Many had little spears with poisoned tips, but others had arrows.

Aurora reached for her razor-sharp dagger. Before she had even pulled it out, one of them shot her in the back. In fury she swung around and threw the dagger. Before she could see if she hit her target, everything went black as she fell off her stallion
I hope you all like it. I wont be finishing it no matter what you think though. Sad I know, but I dont have it in me anymore.
So what do you think, should I continue?

YOU ARE STILL IN THIS GAME

Today I was listening to a CD of mine while in the car.
(You have a copy of it by the way.)
First I’d like to say that I love good lyrics.
Some music has them and many do not.
But this CD is full of the best.

I salute you for your courage
I applaud your perseverance
I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces

I support you in your trusting
I commend you for your wisdom
I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces

And for some reason the mood of the song reminded me of you…
I find myself thinking of you more and more lately. And so I write this for you.

However, I have decided to tell you through this channel in hopes that you will assume I am talking to someone other than yourself. For reasons that I am not sure about.
I cannot express in words what I think when thoughts of you enter my mind.
I am so filled with joy and peace when memories glide through my thoughts.I look up to you; you are my true superior in every way. Your ability to love; your understanding of me surpasses my own. You are still a better bowler than I. I am not so sure anymore if I hurt you more that I hurt myself when I chose someone over you. My heart still aches and burns in regret for those times long past. Sometimes they say I like F.M. for more reasons than I realize. And I agree. I know I love their music for what it is, but also because of whom I think of when I listen to them. And I know I am just going to frustrate you when you read this. I realize that. And I timidly accept it. Some things must be said. I was once dishonest with you. And it is eating me up inside, so this is my confession. You read something that I wrote while you were going out with your cuddle-buddy. It relit something deep within you, yet it also confused you. It was on your mind for days on end. You even spoke to BassChik about your concern. You weren’t sure how to respond or how to feel about my declaration. That is when I told you it was old, that I wrote it back when I chose over you. However that was NOT the case. I wrote it the same day that I posted it. and dang, it was as pure as gold and as true as anything. Now don’t freak out on me, it’s not true today. But that is only because I am getting really good at suppressing my feelings...

If I could have any Superpower I would choose…

The ability to read people’s minds!
Why you may ask. Well, I will tell you:

Now close your eyes and imagine with me…
(Okay never mind, don’t close your eyes because then you can’t read. Duh)

With the power to read minds I would:
Read the thoughts of my dates. Dang that would be SO nice
Make anyone laugh because I’d know what makes them tick.
More easily solve problems and arguments.
Be the ultimate lie detector in the police field.
Finally understand how Men’s brains work.
Solve mysteries and crimes. I am very, very sneaky sir
Never falsely accuse or blame.
Predict future events, plots and intents.
Always know the needs of others and know how best to meet them.
Know where people are and how they are feeling.
Persuade buyers and be the best salesperson ever.
Hang around others with the same goals and aspirations.
Make myself better by following the suggestions of friends.
Know when someone is lying to me and discover why.
Never get caught being gullible again. At least I'd hope not
Surpass Batman because I could fight crime BEFORE it happens.
Transport myself through time so I could be a “Thought Police” in 1984.
I love that book, if you havent read it yet, DO!
Sounds great doesn’t it? But of course “With great knowledge, comes great responsibility.” I would not want such a Superpower unless I could easily control it; the ability to turn it on and off.

So which Power would YOU choose?

El Guapo Sandwich

Truly created by a Master -No one alive is faster
Soft white sesame breads –Not that gross wheat that sheds
Rich, creamy Ranch dressing –It’s great, start confessing
Sliced Jalapenos on top –Give it that special pop
Chicken in Mesquite dips –(The stuff goes to my hips)
Holey-moley Swiss cheese –Don’t forget the Cheddar please!
Crispy bacon scents fill my nasal –Add Oregano and some Basil
Send it through the flaming toaster –“Put this sub up on a poster!”
No! Lettuce is not allowed –Load on the 81, make him proud!
You’ll get thirsty, Grab a DEW –Get a pile of napkins too
Come around, buy a few -It always tastes so fresh and new

Created by SHAKES(peare)
DEDICATED TO BRONSON

Random Pondering

If you had x-ray vision, and could see through anything,

wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

First Kisses

BITTER?
Naive, inexperienced, immature, awkward, fallacious, insincere.
The reason I wrote this is because Adonis and I were playing
-OR- the game Apples to Apples and the green card read:
Naive and he put down First kisses thinking his card would
SWEET? be chosen. I dont get guys, they make O sense
Pleasant, innocent, harmless, untainted, genuine, delightful.

Cow Tipping

THE TIMES

IT IS the kind of story you hear from a friend of a friend — how, after a long night in a rural hostelry and at a loss for entertainment in the countryside, they head out into a nearby field.

There, according to the second-hand accounts, they sneak up on an unsuspecting cow and turn the poor animal hoof over udder.
But now, much to the relief of dairy herds, the sport of cow-tipping has been debunked as an urban, or perhaps rural, myth by scientists at a Canadian university.

Margo Lillie, a doctor of zoology at the University of British Columbia, and her student Tracy Boechler have conducted a study on the physics of cow-tipping.

Ms Boechler, now a trainee forensics analyst for the Royal Canadian Mounted Corps, concluded in her initial report that a cow standing with its legs straight would require five people to exert the required force to bowl it over.

A cow of 1.45 meters in height pushed at an angle of 23.4 degrees relative to the ground would require 2,910 Newton’s of force, equivalent to 4.43 people, she wrote.

Dr Lillie, Ms Boechler’s supervisor, revised the calculations so that two people could exert the required amount of force to tip a static cow, but only if it did not react.

“The static physics of the issue say . . . two people might be able to tip a cow,” she said. “But the cow would have to be tipped quickly — the cow’s centre of mass would have to be pushed over its hoof before the cow could react.”

Newton’s second law of motion, force equals mass multiplied by acceleration, shows that the high acceleration necessary to tip the cow would require a higher force. “Biology also complicates the issue here because the faster the [human] muscles have to contract, the lower the force they can produce. But I suspect that even if a dynamic physics model suggests cow tipping is possible, the biology ultimately gets in the way: a cow is simply not a rigid, unresponding body.”

Another problem is that cows, unlike horses, do not sleep on their feet — they doze. Ms Boechler said that cows are easily disturbed. “I have personally heard of people trying but failing because they are either using too few people or being too loud. “Most of these ‘athletes’ are intoxicated.”

Todays Quotes:

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.
- David Viscott

I almost chucked my visor out of the car window today

The sun visor in my old Camry is quite rusty these days. It is wearing out from serious over use. I must use all my strength to pull it off the clip and move it over the side window. My dad is a squeak freak, so he kindly greased it up for me yesterday without my knowledge.

On my way home from school today the sun was in my eyes. My natural instinct is to cover the sun with the visor. And that’s what I did. But because my muscle memory remembers how difficult it usually is to move I ripped too hard and too dangerously fast. And I threw it right out the window. I almost busted it off the hinge!

I am so VERY grateful the window was down. Had it not been I would be in the hospital with a crushed hand now. What a story that would be to tell everyone! I have to chuckle when I think of the cars around me who saw. Can you imagine seeing someone push their visor out the window so it was sticking straight out? What fun!

Puzzled

I am sitting before you as a very confused daughter of God. I have spiritually been placed in a blender. I wish God had not given me such a desire to seek knowledge about other beliefs. Religion has always fascinated me. It is human nature to question; yet I know we must set aside the natural man. I believe the Bible to be the Word of God, as long as it is translated correctly, but I sure wish all Bible-reading religions translated it the same.

My last name is Terry
It’s much better than Terri.
I have a friend named Gary
Who is always bright and merry.
As we run through the prairie
We sometimes pick a berry
On our way to the dairy.
The owner is quite a fairy
He is really tall and hairy.
His wife’s name is Cheri
She is short and very scary.
I think she’ll soon remarry
To her new boyfriend Larry
He’s a much bigger fairy
Than her current hubby Jerry.
Someday soon I’ll marry
Hopefully to my dear Harry
I’ll change my name to Mary
And call our daughter Carrie.
Then we’ll buy us a Canary
And name her Contrary

-The Conclusion-

**Read "My Critical Analysis" below FIRST**

I have done the homework and finished the research:

They do have a reason. There is some logic to all the confusion.
By donating your shoes, you REALLY can help save someone from AIDS.

First off I visited one of the collection boxes to read all the signs:
“8500 People die a day from AIDS”
“Be part of the solution!”
“HIV Testing Available”

I then visited the Health and Wellness center in the basement of the Student Center. I talked to a lady named Tricia. She informed me about the shoe display happening at Library Square on Oct.22nd. She told me it was more of an awareness event than anything else. Many volunteers have been going door to door in the community asking for $5 donations with every pair of shoes. But Tricia explained that because we are all poor college students they weren’t ask for donations along with the shoes.

She then sent me up to the Thayne Center for more info. They plan to put 8,500 pairs of shoes outside to represent all those who die everyday. It sounds like it’s going to be a big party. They hope to raise thousands of dollars for aids research. Other organizations outside of the college are also involved. After the display they are selling the donated shoes. Here are the estimated stats:

--35 boxes/barrels distributed throughout SLCC campuses
--900 shoes have been donated so far
--that means 26 pairs per box/barrel
--700 donators
--1.29 pairs per donator
--550 $5.00 dollar donations
--which equals $2,750 total

Amazing! I had no idea this was so huge. They still need 7,600 pairs of shoes by the 22nd, so get donating. You only have four days! Then to further help the cause go buy your shoes back!

Deeply Grieved

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had a bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Taken with permission from Crisco with Thanks!

--My Critical Analysis--

Too Critical? –You Decide.

There have recently been a number of collection boxes around the SLCC campus. They are covered in brightly-colored paper, and they are plastered with pictures, statistics and large letters: “End AIDS, Donate Your Shoes!”

Would someone please kindly explain how donating my shoes will end AIDS!

Are the collections for me, the donator, or for the person receiving my shoes?

Donating my shoes would be a self-less service; a true gift from the heart…or my feet. Whatever. Anyways, would the feeling I get when I freely put my old shoes in this box somehow stop me from contracting the disease?

Or is the joy of getting my used shoes great enough to stop HIV positive people from spreading their own deadly disease? Are my shoes going to suppress someone’s urge to have unprotected sex with an infected individual?

How does giving my shoes to a poor kid in Africa do anything about the problem at hand? Are my shoes going to squander the African myth that having sex with a virgin will cure AIDS?

For discussion purposes, let’s just say donating shoes really can end aids. This means I ought to go out and buy a few new pairs today at Payless. I would donate them tomorrow in the pretty boxes and someone’s life would be saved. Many lives in fact, because curing one person would cure all those people that the individual would have spread the disease to. Are you following me? It’s truly astonishing how buying two pairs of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shoes for $28.98 can save lives.

Please. Donate those old, worn-out shoes you have on those spoiled feet of yours. Don’t you have a heart? Do YOUR part to save someone's loved one:

“END AIDS, DONATE YOUR SHOES!”

100 things you may or may not know about me –Vol.11

Today is my “I have never...” day:

1…driven a four-wheeler
2…legally or properly been taught to drive a manual
3…been kissed not yet at least ;)
4…been caught while speeding
5…watched more than one R-rated movie
6…liked cats I down right hate the creatures
7…gone snowboarding
8…failed a class My Politics-I failed my fav.class
9…flown in an commercial plane
10…held a grudge for very long

Lex: My could-have-been Husband

Two Thursdays ago I met a really amazing guy, his name is Lex. My other guy friend Dane introduced us after our institute class. In moments we were laughing together and chatting politics. We debated about illegal immigrants, the downfall of the American education system, and the issue of over-crowded prisons. Right off we meshed well together. We talked about our past difficulties and our plans for the future. Time flew by so quickly when I was talking with him. At some point Dane wandered off without my knowledge to play pool. After talking for an hour or so, we joined in the game. With his arms around me he showed me how to hold the stick, and he really encouraged me although I was not doing so hot. It sure had been a long time since I have felt so comfortable being so close to such a complete stranger. We played two games and then I went to pick up a friend at a tennis game. The feeling I left with that day was almost, well magical…

So last Friday, eight days after our first meeting I saw him again. He asked if we could go on a walk together, I consented. Being a gentleman he carried my bag and opened all the doors on the way out. He began by telling me that he recently had a dream. About me. At this point I was slightly confused; however I was thirsty for more details. He told me how he went to the temple the night we met. He read his patriartical blessing and his scriptures while there. He then went home and had an amazing dream about me. He views it as some type of revelation or answer in his search for a companion. Okay on the outside I am doing a great job taking all this in, yet inside I am quite freaked out. He interprets this to mean I am very mature for my age and considers us to be on the same maturity level despite our age difference.

He then goes deep into detail about this vivid, romantic dream he’s had with us in it. It took him almost an hour to tell me about it. He was very descriptive. He explained the smells in the air, and the things we said. He even described what we were wearing and what we ate. It was a long dream with a complex plot and a million minor characters. We became King and Queen in some magical land of mermaids. We waltzed, flew around clouds, and even visited Lagoon during winter. Lex is very observant while awake and asleep! He contemplated telling me for a week before he finally decided to. At this point he has been extremely in love with me because of this relationship we supposedly developed in this dream of his. He proposed to become more than friends. He said he wanted to simply skip the casual dating stage and become a couple right off. He talked about going to the temple with me and eventually marrying me! After a long silence he said "No, I do not want to wait that long. What's the point? Gc, we were ment to be, we need to get married...and SOON!"

Now don’t get too weird on me. I decided to with hold some important information from you. Fact: he has been married before, for eight years. He was divorced in February after discovering his wife cheated on him. He has never met his father and hasn’t spoken to his mother for a year. And lastly, he is 32 years old! And the terrible thing is that he is convinced that I am the One for him. My goodness, and that’s when he asked me what I was thinking. I did not freak out, I did not rudely march off, and I didn’t scream curses. I held it all in, and I somehow suppressed my urge to flee. As sweetly as I could, I explained to him how things would never turn out. I could never marry anyone that old because the world around me would freak. I couldn’t marry someone who has been married for so long before.

I terribly crushed him. He gave me his heart and I threw it back. I can not even explain the crap I have been going through. But I justify by saying that there was no other way. Our relationship had to end then and there. If he ever sees me again, he is going to be reminded of the romantic dream he had with me. Every time I walk by, his heart will be re-bruised.

Eight days. It only took eight days. This must be some sick, twisted new record for me. In that short of time he fell in love with me, and just as quickly I burned him…

At least this time I wasn’t confused or blind about my feelings. I knew. I knew with every fiber of my being that he wasn’t the right guy. And I am glad that I didn’t know him longer, because the rejection would have hurt him so much more. However….despite all my justifications…..

I still continue to feel so unworthy of any persons’ love. Don’t give me your heart, because I will not know what to do with it. I am shamefully good at hurting the men that like me. Don’t risk yourself. Take back all those sweet words; you must leave while you are still intact. I cannot endure seeing myself hurt someone again….especially a someone that I love

8% TreeHugger

The breeze rustles through the tops of the trees in a small wood, as the brook below winds through the lush undergrowth. A small American family has escaped their chaotic lives in the busy city to enter this lovely haven. The sound of birds float on the wind, feelings of security and belonging surround the beholder.

Although the surroundings appear unchanging, they can drastically differ in only moments. This beauty is not always peaceful and calm. Nature is a deadly murderer, yet at the same time a refuge. Every year millions of people die from causes of nature. Tornadoes, hurricanes, sandstorms, tsunamis, mudslides, volcanoes, avalanches, floods, earthquakes, and drought, just to name a few; these have claimed lives of our loved ones and friends for centuries. Is this why we have begun to fear nature itself?

In “Life in the woods”, a man named Henry Thoreau goes to live alone at Walden Pond. He leaves his former life behind him as he starts fresh without anything but the woods. While in solitude, he learns a lot about nature and life. He develops a love for the world surrounding him. Through struggles, he survives and gain understanding about how alive and un-wild the wilderness is. It is my opinion that we should all escape to nature and its healing powers from time to time. Most of our comforts of life are indispensable. The wise learn to live without such luxuries. The more we have does not mean we will be more happy. The wealthy are killing themselves by separating themselves from the growing experiences of real life. Such vacations help renew our physical, mental, and spiritual beings.

While reading “Landscape of spirituality” I began to wonder what I myself was doing to protect God’s many creations. Although wilderness has been characterized as a fearful place, we still retreat there during confusing times. “The love of wilderness represents a powerful homing instinct we will never relinquish.” It is the window to creation. The place where Jesus went to fast for forty days and forty nights is a colorless bland place; yet the Savior loved it.

Anti-environmentalists say that earth will be destroyed before Christ comes, so why preserve it. The Mormons believe God mourns when even a small bird dies, so they do their best to preserve life. The wild can bring us strength and vitality. The extraordinarily beautiful places in our state need to be preserved. We need to protect nature and build our big, land-hogging homes in urban areas.

Because man enjoys the relief nature gives, we try to capture some of it to save it for later. We usually do this through a variety of art forms. Taking photographs, painting, composing, and writing is just a few techniques we use. To reach the vital experience we each need to grasp for ourselves, we enter nature and create art within the art of nature. We need to do this rather than believe we are masters over it.

We must take care of the nature we have so our children may enjoy it as we have. Collectively, Americans need to take better care of our world. With practices such as recycling, using solar power, picking up trash and not wasting water, we can do our part in saving beauty.

My Freedoms and Responsibilities

America is the land of the free and the home of the brave. We all as Americans have duties and obligations we must perform in order to earn our freedoms. If we all neglect these responsibilities, our nation will quickly begin to crumble.

We must fight for our rights. “Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” America’s goal is freedom and we must continually strive to reach for that goal for everyone; not just other Americans, but every person, everywhere. Many past ‘freedom leaders’ have fought persistently for our freedoms. We should not throw them away carelessly.

Our nation’s people seem to have a problem keeping promises. Empty promises fill many aspects of our country, especially the presidential debates. Why is it that so much of our media is filled with lies? It is my responsibility to always tell the truth. My duty to others is to hold true, and keep promises I make. If we all did this, doubt would not always linger in our minds.

Many of our freedoms are taken from us everyday without us even knowing. They are able to do this because many people do not understand what all their freedoms consist of. I have the responsibility to my country to educate myself about my freedoms. We must also utilize our rights with caution. If we do not we may jeopardize or lose them all.

Thanks to the establishment of the first amendment, we have the freedom of speech, religion, press, ect. Because I have the right to speak out, it is my responsibility to so. If there is something happening in my community that I think is wrong, I would be right for me say something; even though it may not affect me directly.

Why do we as humans tend to blame others for our mistakes? We know it was us, we know the truth, so why do we deny it? It is my responsibility to everyone to tell the truth, and to take responsibility for my actions. Whatever I do, there will be consequences. Sometimes bad, or sometimes good, we cannot control the effects of our choices.

Have you ever been driving to work and seen someone in need? Although you are in a hurry, did you stop to see if your assistance was needed? This situation has occurred to me several times. Once I saw two boys riding their bikes, one of them fell and got hurt. I stopped to comfort him, and to see if he was okay. Other times I have witnessed accidents, I have stopped to see if everyone was all right. This is my duty as a citizen in our country.

I have the obligation to respect everyone. Their opinions and ideas must be valued; it matters not if you agree, you must show consideration for them. We would all want the same kindness. I have the duty to respect, and assist my elders when they need it. I should sacrifice for them whenever I can.

Were I old enough it would be my duty to vote. Although I am not, it is still my duty to voice my opinions, and stand up for whom I think would be the better candidate. I should speak my values and educate myself about the campaigns. Until I can vote, I should encourage others to do so.

Ultimately, it is my responsibility to ensure every American’s freedoms. If I can fulfill my duties, America will be a better place. I need to help others and treat them like I want them to treat me. It is my responsibility to live the golden rule, and to be the best American I can be.

Yahoo!

Today is my BlogBirthday!!
I have been blogging for a whole year now.

Although it's not New Years, I am going to make a resolution.
I resolve to post more of what I write this next year.
And included with that I will also write more.

This will be more difficult than ever before because I have much less time.
However, I will try my best!

Precious

A Sweet Angel has come down among us
She is not mine, yet I would give my life to give her the world
One small piece of heaven all wrapped up in a blanket
God’s gift soundly sleeping in my unworthy arms
A grand miracle with tiny ears and an itty-bitty nose
Pure perfection in its most simple form
A soft cry emerges as her big, beautiful eyes open
I pray for God to give this angel a guardian,
As I thank him for my adorable niece

Panthestic

No I don't mean Pantheistic

I do not know how to use Panthestic,
In fact-I do not even know what it means.
However, I like it. No, Love it.
It makes me think of how I feel when I listen to Sigur Ros.
I am reminded of sweet dreams and happy times.

Or perhaps it reminds me of the majestic beauty of black Panthers,
Panthers are loyal and powerfully built.
They are fierce, but also gentle with their young.

Mighty are those who are Pantheistic

Fallen

Standing on the edge of a shear cliff
Peering across the vast void
I see a handsome young man
Someone I know well
Or at least well enough
To know my heart wants him
He casually dangles his feet over the edge
Deadly risk drives him,
As it courses through his veins
Danger is his life’s game.
Predictably the earth cracks where he sits
I do not yell my warning,
It would never reach in time.
In time to save…to give a chance of survival.
Huge rocks rip out from under him,
Sliding…Falling…Scraping…
Eventually after a hundred feet, crashing
Lying deathly still, never breathing
Silent as the dust settles all around
Minutes pass and turn to short hours
But WAIT…
Slowly sitting, then standing erect
Not bothering to brush the dirt covering his entire being
Arms hanging relaxed at his side
Blood pouring from the innumerable wounds
Those unblinking eyes penetrating my face from below
A hot tear falls from my eye
Alive!? Is it truly a possibility?
After falling so far can anyone stand again?

Can’t create feelings, bring them into the light
Reflecting emotion, is all that is right

They are in the lead, they have total command
The choice is not mine, whether to hold a hand

A giant mirror on wheels, stretched so thin and tight
Don’t break try to bend, but do not start that fight

Ouch!! Earlier this week, I believe it was Tuesday; I went tanning (fake baking). Anyway I usually go to Sun Your Bunz, but I was going to the bank and I Tan Too was nearby so I gave them a visit. When I walked in I was surprised to see a much older and very white woman sitting at the reception counter. Now I would normally expect a young, tanned, in-her-early-twenties girl in a spaghetti strap, but there she was wrinkly, pale and well into old age. This was my first visit here so she gave me a clipboard with a pile of paperwork I had to fill out; Dang I felt like I was selling my soul away! WARNING: Tanning is dangerous! You may suffer injuries or even DEATH! So I signed that I am aware that I may die, and that I will, however, not press charges. To make a long story short, I discovered that those fifteen minutes in the oven transformed me into a very red-skinned looking alien –for I certainly no longer looked human as my skin glowed a fiery crimson. It hurt like nothing I have ever felt before, and I’d like to think that I have felt a lot of pain. I could not sleep, actually it hurt just standing! So moral of the story: actually I don’t know what the moral is because I have gone tanning several times before and been just fine. So I guess I will warn you instead: do not tan at places where there is a wrinkly, old, white woman. Why you ask? Well because it is just plain wrong. It is all the adults and mothers who keep advising me to not tan. It’s THEM who tell me they like me just fine all pasty and white; they aren’t supposed to ask how many minutes I’d like to cook! Okay new moral: listen to your elders; they really do have some wisdom. Had I listened, I would not be sitting on an ice pack in this huge t-shirt wearing a sports bra and itching as though I were covered in a million mosquito bits! Okay I am done complaining, I think I’ll go hop in a tub full of ice. Farewell : )

VMS

I don’t know; perhaps I was feeling guilty. I have been seeping out my secrets to everyone but you. I have been protecting you, or maybe I was just hiding the part of me I didn’t want you to see. But now you know and I will forever regret telling you. Although, words cannot express how relieved I feel to have that weight off my shoulders. But still, I cant justify…I should have kept it all inside, just as you have done your whole life. Yes I know it is good, its pure talent, true art…but something you should never have to read. What do you mean by “things haven’t changed”? I cant even tell if that is a good thing or a bad thing. How can you read the unknown dark side of my soul and your opinion of me not change? I am just too confused to understand...

Evening jogs with Michael

Coming home from working after stressing too much,
All that I need is your masculine touch.
I call you up and you say let’s go,
Walking towards you, I see your face glow.
You hold me and relieve my aching backache,
Even though it’s late, we stay awake.
As we jog in the freezing evening breeze,
You tell me tales of the pain in your knees.
Sweat trickles down me warm sticky brow,
But that doesn’t really matter right now.
I don’t need a weapon, I’ve got a man,
Don’t come near, because he will and he can.

Panting and the sound of huge, slushy footsteps followed closer and closer, picking up speed as they came. Fear coursed through my veins as I turned the sharp corner. I was breathing deeply, my heart was quickly pumping. Too quickly, too loud… I could hear it pounding against my ribs, it was deafening against the painful silence of the darkness. Freezing rain began to fall upon my frozen form. Hunched in the night I waited; the leather binding my hands slightly loosened in the down pour. The straps cut deeper into my wrists as I struggled to release myself. “He knows where you are” –the statement overpowering my thoughts of escape. Slowly I willed my exhausted body to move, if I didn’t I would surely be taken away. The cold stone was towered above me. The concrete looked strangely welcoming, bidding me to reach it. My soaking black uniform clung to my trembling body as I inched foward exposed out in the open. Suddenly deafening alarms brought me to my knees. My freed hands covered my ringing ears. I sunk deep in the black slush.

Courtyard

As I dragged myself through the cold, squeaky doors that bent open to expose the deserted yard, I perceived that my heart abandoned all possibility. Cold, lifeless trees were placed without sense and order like grenades in a war zone. Ugly brown leaves cluttered the barren walks. The hot, unmerciful sun melted my skin, as it had the slaves. Dry desert wind scratched as it blew. Lumpy, unmown brown grass looked welcoming compared to the annoying weeds infesting the pain-ridden lawns. Hard angry benches lingering unused, surrounded by discolored stone cement. Rotten apples and greasy foods combined in the drafty air, creating the urge to erupt with burning acid. The blue, empty cloud-less sky looked pleasant as it contrasted to the gray of our prison. Litter cluttered the uneven steps and worn paths, as unused garbage cans wait unpatiently nearby. The mean breeze blew dead leaves scratching across the forbidden land. The parched drain was filled with years of mucus and cracking gum. A wondering lost dreadlocked sophomore penetrated to pass though the desolation. A fat lump of teacher set foot into a place of smelly milk stains. I could feel my heart echo off the barren, tall walls. Gross gum-covered picnic tables were placed in a crack-decorated corner. A Deafening silence filled my ears and a building headache pounded my brain. Graffiti encases this place of broken hopes and dreams. Pipes stuck awkwardly out from the dry thirsty ground. Branches of the dreadful trees above were strewn about, blocking my way. I hurried to the exit before the malicious spirit of this dread filled place could capture my soul in chains forever.

Written in Seventh Grade

I am a person many people call a “Tomboy”. Ever since I was young I have always wanted to be a boy. This is probably because there were no girls my age in my neighborhood, only boys. I have always been playing with all five of those boys. I still have many guy friends that I hang out with.

I like the world books open up to me. I love to read and I am very good at it too. I am always reading books, tons of them. I mainly read Newbery Award winners; I think they are the greatest. I also love reading fantasies about castles, enchanted forests, knights, dragons, unicorns, wizards, princesses who defeat evil, fairies and elves with mystical powers. I like reading because it lets me escape from my worries and problems; it also lets me go places that are only in the imagination.

I believe people should be themselves. People should not have to change who they are to please anyone else, they should express themselves and their feelings how they want to. For example, a Tomboy should be herself without feeling“disowned” by her parents for being who she is. I believe people should change only for themselves, not for others.

I do not like it when people gossip. People should not put others down to raise themselves up. It bugs me so much when someone tells me something unkind about someone else and then the next minute they are hanging out with that someone acting like nothing had changed. Talking behind someone’s back is mean and very hurtful. If a person tells me bad things about everyone else, I have to wonder what they are telling everyone else about me. I think people should be kind and true to their friends and others without being two-faced.

I am tired of hearing that I don’t measure up to everyone else’s standards. I’m told that I’m not responsible enough, yet I’m never given the chance. I’m told that I am lazy, yet I don’t watch T.V. and I am on track and soccer. I am told I don’t do a good enough job, but I'm doing my best and I'm trying my hardest. I wish people could see that. I guess it’s just not good enough for some people. Maybe, instead of trying to change ME they should lower their expectations.

I enjoy many things in the world around me. I like to learn about Egypt, the Pharaohs and the pyramids. I enjoy wondering about space, the galaxies and the many unknowns. I like running and splashing in puddles during a rainstorm, I love the sweet taste of fresh raspberries on my tongue. I love playing football with the boys. I love to run through the fields catching lizards, frogs and snakes. I love putting all my pennies on the railroad track and then waiting until the train comes by and squashes them flat. Hitting the jumps with my friends and then going on long bike rides that would take us anywhere is a blast. I enjoy doing anything with the people I like.

Who I Am

Who I am now; not who I will become later on, not who I used to be, but who I am presently. Although, who I have been, has truly influenced who I have now become.

I am Galvanize chaos, the indecisive thinker, the poetic writer, the chocolate daughter, the ultimate distracter and procrastinator. A 400-meter sprinter and a scoring mid-fielder. Some call me Kamree, my coworkers know me as Shakes, and my volleyball team dubbed me Turbo. My siblings call me Sisterly; at camp, they named me Pyro. I am an explorer; but more importantly, I am an American dreamer.

I want to skydive, go rock climbing, run in a marathon, tour Europe, and hike massive peaks. I dream of learning everything you can do on the back of a boat; and I dream of breaking free from the chains the world has put on me. Going to Africa and helping those people is one of my ambitions. Having an awesome husband and family is my ultimate goal. I wish I could eat all the brownies and cheesecake in the whole world…that is how much I like them. Cheerios is truly the world’s best cereal, while Quiznos’ is “the best sandwich shop that happens to be franchised,” and I happen to work there.

In school I love Geology, History, Politics, Psychology, and English. Learning new things is what I love best. I would love a job where I could continually gain knowledge. My parents tell me I asked too many questions growing up. But how I wonder, am I to learn anything while I stand back, and wait for the world to answer my questions.

Writing is one of my many passions. I love sitting down and pouring my thoughts out on paper. Especially when they are read, and no one can make any sense of them. I have written more this past year, than I have in all my past years combined. I have an entire notebook full of my favorite poetry. For many years now I have faithfully written in a journal, and I really enjoy reading past writings. Blogging is also something I love doing. It is when you log onto the internet and write how you feel about, and view, the world around you.

When I am bored I pull out a book; because I love reading as well as writing. Someday I hope to write a book, and compile all my poems and blogs into one. Reading takes me into worlds, and places I would have never known existed.

My job has been a large part of my life these past few months. I love working at Quiznos! The people I work with are the greatest people; Adonis, El Guapo, Popsicle, Cucker, Magpie, Sorry, PeachyQueen, Trixie, and Calico, are all wonderful friends of mine. Big Red is my outstanding boss and manager.

I am a middle child in a family of six. I love my family! Together we enjoy movies, games, camping, and much more. On vacations we have recently visited the Redwood forest, Zion Park, Grand Canyon, Bear Lake, and other fun places.

I love church. Really what is not to like? With all your friends and family, you go and get to learn about Jesus! I am presently a laurel in the LDS church. Someday I would like to go on a mission, who knows though, I could be married first. I love reading my scriptures, and I know they have helped me find out who I really am.

All of our many life experiences and challenges have taught and shaped us into who we are. Everyday I am still discovering who I am. Now you know a little more about me. However, for you to really know who I am, I would need more paper.

July 15th, 2003

Today Wendy took us (Josh, Eric and I) to the dollar store on 5600w. Both Eric and Josh bought new lighters. When we got home we went over to Josh’s house. We were having a blast burning every spider web we could find in his yard; we also burned old beehives (which really stink!). After we burned everything in sight, except for the lawn, which would have burned the whole neighborhood down because everything is dead, we went in. We sat on the couch with Jessica, Josh’s sister, and he gets this, dumber than dumb, idea. He went and stood behind Jessica and lit his lighter. Well her hair caught on fire fast! He swapped at it and it went out, but was she mad!! Eric and I were laughing so hard my stomach hurt so bad! (Don’t get me wrong I love Jessica and all that, but seeing her hair on fire was pretty hilarious) We all jumped up and ran out of the house. Josh ran out first and jumped on Eric’s bike and rode quickly up the street to the tramp. Eric ran out of there so fast, he left his sandals in the front yard. I couldn’t run very fast, and had to stop a lot, because the scene that played over and over in my mind still had me doubled over with laughter. We shall never for get the day Josh caught his sister’s hair on fire! : )

After Josh’s fire ordeal, Eric decided on the 16th in the afternoon that he would light a laundry softener sheet on fire in his room. Then he threw it, still flaming, into a trash can full of newspaper, there was now a mini bonfire in his room. He picked up his now melting trashcan and dumped the whole mess in the bathroom sink. He turned on the water, closed the door then ran out of the house. I was downstairs and heard all the smoke detectors going off above. I went up there and opened the bathroom door and was blasted with smoke. The pile of trash had reignited after Eric dumped it and ash was everywhere. We are lucky it didn’t catch the wooden mirror above the sink on fire. Eric came home with josh and they cleaned it up before my mom got home, but when she did everything still smelled like smoke. All he had to do was clean up his mess, he wasn’t grounded or anything. If I had a kid who was dumb enough to make a fire IN the house I wouldn’t have been so nice. I mean, Wendy, Jeff and I all built our pyro fires outside; and we were clever enough to not get caught. Oh well, hopefully that never happens again : )

i hesitate posting this

Here is our story from my perspective:

I was thrilled; it had been a long time since my good friend Peachy Queen and I were in a class together. Walking in we discovered we were with many other good friends. She sat by Nate who was sitting by a guy who I knew, but didn’t know me. At this first meeting I idolized him. I was so excited to meet this guy who my friends were all friends with. He was laughing with Nate when we sat down and Peachy Queen apparently knew him too. He was cute and I hoped to be his friend too. He was friendly smiling when they introduced us.

I was better friends with Peachy Queen and he was better friends with Nate, so when they both left us we turned to each other. I quickly learned just how talented you were. When you read your Who I Am I was amazed by how much voice you had in your writing. I liked learning about you because I became interested. Peachy Queen and I talked about how English was going so of course you came up often.

You admired my writings. I was flattered, and trusted you so I let you in on my “secret” –Galvanized chaos. At that time I was faithfully writing. You liked my writings and I liked you. The end of the semester neared and knowledge that I would rarely see you anymore became apparent. So with the need to change my math class I went to my counselor. I changed math which was fifth but now needed a new one. Remembering you had seminary I quickly jumped in. I was a good little actor and acted quite surprised when we happily realized we were in a class still. I was glad to still be with my newest-found friend. –that was the life!

You began blogging, we talked and e-mailed about writing, school, and the future. You gave me a peek into a story in an e-mail about a girl who you liked, but things didn’t work out. At this point we were friends and I wanted to know about this crush you had. You were my S.O. and my writing buddy and I was most grateful to have you as a friend. Through seminary and hanging out at Holly’s house I learned more about who you were. I had heather teach me more about music; I wanted to learn everything about a French horn. We went to Alexis’s house to play games. She was now my newest friend. We met through my date with Austin. You sat next to me. You were apparently tired, yet when I found out how much sleep you had, I became confused and worried. Yet I stupidly, blindly didn’t see the truth behind your misguided lies. You became sick and I was full of compassion. I wasn’t sure how to help or even if you wanted my help, but I tried and when I went back to give you your glasses I was distraught. I wanted so badly to help but I knew it was a line I could not at that time cross.

That made us stronger. I held a secret that I honorably kept. And a few times needed to cut down Crisco before she leaked. You shared with me a dark suspicion. I became a vacuum sucking in all the info I could. Through lies I was able to stay on the computer to research all I could. I have since wanted to ask you about it, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up.

The shift in our friendship was when you asked me out on a date. I was so excited I was telling everyone about it. I had tons of fun playing pool and bowling.

I am not sure why but I was living in the present, I usually am. I didn’t look into the future; I didn’t consider my motives at all. I thought your asking me on a date was because Trak Star wanted to go with Peachy Queen but not alone. It seemed logical that because I am her good friend and you are his, and so are we that we went. I didn’t think you liked me more than a friend… I didnt know you liked me as much as I really liked you...

People tread through the poorly maintained lot, their bodies exhausted, from another stressful workday. I could hear them slamming their car doors, as if that was their relief for having a bad day. Orange rust eats at the white peeling paint on the tainted depreciated car, which struggles to start. After a few tries, the unsympathetic, unreliable engine comes alive. Its sagging tail pipe erupts a smoggy, black, polluting smoke. The tail pipe is moderately held up by a quick fix bent metal coat hanger. Sounds of rackety exhaust, and rasping brake pads come from the congested river of traffic, which flows through the busy intersection a block away.

We all dream; yet, we do not understand our dreams

Freezing black rain falls from the cloudy sky above
Traveling through thick darkness, drops splash upon my warm face
Bundled in feathers and scarves, I silently, thoughtfully stand
I peer up, lightning flashes, the wind gathers and cleanses my soul
Black asphalt again carried my worn shoes to this dread filled place
The smells of anger and death linger heavy in the soaking air
Although my heart has healed, scars will forever remain to remind
I have come to bid a loving farewell for the final time
Sweetly reminiscing times long past are no longer painful
Clumsily falling to my knees in the thick grass, I somehow control emotion
Cold unfeeling stone now holds my Lover’s name, a name I cannot speak
Placing a white rose upon new earth, regrets burn within my aching soul
Suddenly Passion lets loose, and hot tears mix with dirty rain
The earth holds me as I plead for inner peace to never leave
My long hair falls into wet ringlets around my tear-strewn figure
The heavens above perceive my agony and cry along with me
In this sickening town I pray for escape from pain, and most of all- Memory
I surely thirst for your touch once again and forever

The time ticks by slowly, as the life gradually drains from the cold figure upon the hard hospital bed. Deep, trembling breaths fill the tear-saturated room. Thick silence rests like black fog upon the shoulders of those present. A steady beat from a heart monitor sets a sardonic mood as it threatens to break rhythm. Family and friends have gathered to plead for last farewells. A diligent nurse penetrates the hush scene to take pulse. Her sudden voice fills the air; she gives two options: the pay or the plug. The penniless quickly whisper fears throughout. Questions linger; can anyone repay the due? Must the life be taken on such circumstances; is there anything that can be done? Negative responses sting their hearts, a decision has been made. Now conclusion will take place.

The Divide

The chasm between us was born before we existed. Slowly we have come to the edge, come to know each other. First impressions did not impress. Going separate for a while, then we were suddenly thrust into the widening hole together again. Repeatedly we escaped, to only return by force. From fears, flirtings began to fly. We were beginning to enjoy the evils that lurked below and all around us. Quietly volunteering, no longer pushing. Overcoming insecurities, finally conquering the breech that separated our souls.

Purposely we fell closer together. Moving earth against the world's resistance. As one we began defeating instability and we soon found comforts in foreign lands. Calling victory to us as torments ceased, while thick secrecy bound our lies in unison. Thunderously the earth broke free, reaching cliffs of cliffs, thirsting to reunite. Expanse is the new outcome of our actions.

Walking alone through this thickening wood
I never get lost, I just know my way
No one told me the direction I’m going
Will lead me to places I’d rather not be
I feel out of place in this open green land
Conformity has been a stranger to me
I have disturbed this forbiddening land
It doesn’t care, it would rather not know me
Out of place, a machete frozen in ice

The magic has faded
Laughter has melted in time
Rusty squeaks fill expanse
Slowly turning and burning
The paint has chipped
And floats like leaves of fall
Towards the lonely sands
Where children once played
And memories were created
Now abandoned, all alone
This ancient unbreakable joy
Nothing more than welded metal
Once spun like a galvanized top
Only rotates with the earth
Brownish gray shoves through red
To created a saddened sense
It once belonged
Now to only be forgotten

Memories I Want ReLived

I have never been so loved in my entire life,
Loved so much even colors of the rainbow danced
The kind of love that one can only dream
It was real, I was truly blessed for awhile
But I didn’t truly appreciate it until he was gone
And now that he has faded from my life,
I love him more than he can even imagine
I love you Doty even to this day my friend :)
He was always listening,
Always responding sweetly
Always loving me so incredibly!
I never understood then,
I didn’t comprehend the depth of his love
Although I know NOW; now that he has left
Now, after all chances seem gone
Thank you for my Christmas Present I love it too
Why couldn’t I see his devotion?
Life was harmonious when he was mine
Memories of him burn within my heart.
The way things could have been…
Could I do everything again, I would!
I would do anything, give everything
I would love him more purely than he loved me
I wrote this in Aug. even though I told you otherwise
The glow that burned within me has dimmed,
But please, I want you to know its still burning fiercely!
What we had was strong, however it was cut short,
I will be forever scarred if I don’t try.
Give me the opportunity to love you again
The brightness of day can not show how I want you
Will I ever get the chance to prove my love?

Worx of aRt

As I have grown it has faded
But still it remembers
Deep within its fibers
I look down and see a world I never knew existed
An ocean of green, full of life
It has recorded my life since I was young
All the memories it must possess
What if it could speak?
What would it tell to me?
Would it flow with stories like a river?
Or might it whisper secrets like the wind
As a movie, it plays the events before me
Spread out, like a book, beneath for me to read
Like an empty canvas waiting for color, for life to occur
As I lay upon it, my mind wanders
What is it trying to say?
So many memories and on one to tell
Then the evil comes and erases it of all its shades
But still it remembers deep within its fibers

Melody

The melody takes hold of my spirit and released me into the heavens. I am falling in love with the notes as they entrant my being. Four muscle-molded hands at play; belonging to fellow brothers. Together they make sweet music flow. Practiced joins with unskilled fingers to make my soul sing. The tune accompanies my thoughts as they wander through time. Classical swiftly transforms into staccato, which glides into a dissonant chord…, captivating my attentions. Passions flowing from their fingers; the tempo quickens, pulling me faster into the swirling adrenaline that floods the mood.

My Place

I wrote this for an assignment in seventh grade....


My place is mine, no one else’s. My place is open and green. It is cool, crisp, warm and cozy. My place is my room

My room has a big window. Outside is the lilac bush. The sweet smell and brilliant color fill my room. The plum tree is also outside the window. The delicious fruit I can reach out and get. The life-giving sun fills my room and feeds my plants, as it warms my room and the world.

My carpet is a sea of blue. It is so soft it begs you to lay on it, to sit and read. My walls are gray and green. Not the gray of cold and sadness, but the gray of a soft warm blanket in the cold winter. Green is the color of outside, of nature. It comforts and relaxes you into sleep.

My wall is covered with my works. All my best drawings and doodles cover from the floor to the ceiling above. My likes, dreams are portrayed there. Friends and memories there are hung. My wall is a place I like to look at; I like to remember those moments that fill my memory.

My place is mine, no one else’s. I love my room; it has become part of me.