i hesitate posting this

Here is our story from my perspective:

I was thrilled; it had been a long time since my good friend Peachy Queen and I were in a class together. Walking in we discovered we were with many other good friends. She sat by Nate who was sitting by a guy who I knew, but didn’t know me. At this first meeting I idolized him. I was so excited to meet this guy who my friends were all friends with. He was laughing with Nate when we sat down and Peachy Queen apparently knew him too. He was cute and I hoped to be his friend too. He was friendly smiling when they introduced us.

I was better friends with Peachy Queen and he was better friends with Nate, so when they both left us we turned to each other. I quickly learned just how talented you were. When you read your Who I Am I was amazed by how much voice you had in your writing. I liked learning about you because I became interested. Peachy Queen and I talked about how English was going so of course you came up often.

You admired my writings. I was flattered, and trusted you so I let you in on my “secret” –Galvanized chaos. At that time I was faithfully writing. You liked my writings and I liked you. The end of the semester neared and knowledge that I would rarely see you anymore became apparent. So with the need to change my math class I went to my counselor. I changed math which was fifth but now needed a new one. Remembering you had seminary I quickly jumped in. I was a good little actor and acted quite surprised when we happily realized we were in a class still. I was glad to still be with my newest-found friend. –that was the life!

You began blogging, we talked and e-mailed about writing, school, and the future. You gave me a peek into a story in an e-mail about a girl who you liked, but things didn’t work out. At this point we were friends and I wanted to know about this crush you had. You were my S.O. and my writing buddy and I was most grateful to have you as a friend. Through seminary and hanging out at Holly’s house I learned more about who you were. I had heather teach me more about music; I wanted to learn everything about a French horn. We went to Alexis’s house to play games. She was now my newest friend. We met through my date with Austin. You sat next to me. You were apparently tired, yet when I found out how much sleep you had, I became confused and worried. Yet I stupidly, blindly didn’t see the truth behind your misguided lies. You became sick and I was full of compassion. I wasn’t sure how to help or even if you wanted my help, but I tried and when I went back to give you your glasses I was distraught. I wanted so badly to help but I knew it was a line I could not at that time cross.

That made us stronger. I held a secret that I honorably kept. And a few times needed to cut down Crisco before she leaked. You shared with me a dark suspicion. I became a vacuum sucking in all the info I could. Through lies I was able to stay on the computer to research all I could. I have since wanted to ask you about it, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up.

The shift in our friendship was when you asked me out on a date. I was so excited I was telling everyone about it. I had tons of fun playing pool and bowling.

I am not sure why but I was living in the present, I usually am. I didn’t look into the future; I didn’t consider my motives at all. I thought your asking me on a date was because Trak Star wanted to go with Peachy Queen but not alone. It seemed logical that because I am her good friend and you are his, and so are we that we went. I didn’t think you liked me more than a friend… I didnt know you liked me as much as I really liked you...