Courtyard

As I dragged myself through the cold, squeaky doors that bent open to expose the deserted yard, I perceived that my heart abandoned all possibility. Cold, lifeless trees were placed without sense and order like grenades in a war zone. Ugly brown leaves cluttered the barren walks. The hot, unmerciful sun melted my skin, as it had the slaves. Dry desert wind scratched as it blew. Lumpy, unmown brown grass looked welcoming compared to the annoying weeds infesting the pain-ridden lawns. Hard angry benches lingering unused, surrounded by discolored stone cement. Rotten apples and greasy foods combined in the drafty air, creating the urge to erupt with burning acid. The blue, empty cloud-less sky looked pleasant as it contrasted to the gray of our prison. Litter cluttered the uneven steps and worn paths, as unused garbage cans wait unpatiently nearby. The mean breeze blew dead leaves scratching across the forbidden land. The parched drain was filled with years of mucus and cracking gum. A wondering lost dreadlocked sophomore penetrated to pass though the desolation. A fat lump of teacher set foot into a place of smelly milk stains. I could feel my heart echo off the barren, tall walls. Gross gum-covered picnic tables were placed in a crack-decorated corner. A Deafening silence filled my ears and a building headache pounded my brain. Graffiti encases this place of broken hopes and dreams. Pipes stuck awkwardly out from the dry thirsty ground. Branches of the dreadful trees above were strewn about, blocking my way. I hurried to the exit before the malicious spirit of this dread filled place could capture my soul in chains forever.

Written in Seventh Grade

I am a person many people call a “Tomboy”. Ever since I was young I have always wanted to be a boy. This is probably because there were no girls my age in my neighborhood, only boys. I have always been playing with all five of those boys. I still have many guy friends that I hang out with.

I like the world books open up to me. I love to read and I am very good at it too. I am always reading books, tons of them. I mainly read Newbery Award winners; I think they are the greatest. I also love reading fantasies about castles, enchanted forests, knights, dragons, unicorns, wizards, princesses who defeat evil, fairies and elves with mystical powers. I like reading because it lets me escape from my worries and problems; it also lets me go places that are only in the imagination.

I believe people should be themselves. People should not have to change who they are to please anyone else, they should express themselves and their feelings how they want to. For example, a Tomboy should be herself without feeling“disowned” by her parents for being who she is. I believe people should change only for themselves, not for others.

I do not like it when people gossip. People should not put others down to raise themselves up. It bugs me so much when someone tells me something unkind about someone else and then the next minute they are hanging out with that someone acting like nothing had changed. Talking behind someone’s back is mean and very hurtful. If a person tells me bad things about everyone else, I have to wonder what they are telling everyone else about me. I think people should be kind and true to their friends and others without being two-faced.

I am tired of hearing that I don’t measure up to everyone else’s standards. I’m told that I’m not responsible enough, yet I’m never given the chance. I’m told that I am lazy, yet I don’t watch T.V. and I am on track and soccer. I am told I don’t do a good enough job, but I'm doing my best and I'm trying my hardest. I wish people could see that. I guess it’s just not good enough for some people. Maybe, instead of trying to change ME they should lower their expectations.

I enjoy many things in the world around me. I like to learn about Egypt, the Pharaohs and the pyramids. I enjoy wondering about space, the galaxies and the many unknowns. I like running and splashing in puddles during a rainstorm, I love the sweet taste of fresh raspberries on my tongue. I love playing football with the boys. I love to run through the fields catching lizards, frogs and snakes. I love putting all my pennies on the railroad track and then waiting until the train comes by and squashes them flat. Hitting the jumps with my friends and then going on long bike rides that would take us anywhere is a blast. I enjoy doing anything with the people I like.

Who I Am

Who I am now; not who I will become later on, not who I used to be, but who I am presently. Although, who I have been, has truly influenced who I have now become.

I am Galvanize chaos, the indecisive thinker, the poetic writer, the chocolate daughter, the ultimate distracter and procrastinator. A 400-meter sprinter and a scoring mid-fielder. Some call me Kamree, my coworkers know me as Shakes, and my volleyball team dubbed me Turbo. My siblings call me Sisterly; at camp, they named me Pyro. I am an explorer; but more importantly, I am an American dreamer.

I want to skydive, go rock climbing, run in a marathon, tour Europe, and hike massive peaks. I dream of learning everything you can do on the back of a boat; and I dream of breaking free from the chains the world has put on me. Going to Africa and helping those people is one of my ambitions. Having an awesome husband and family is my ultimate goal. I wish I could eat all the brownies and cheesecake in the whole world…that is how much I like them. Cheerios is truly the world’s best cereal, while Quiznos’ is “the best sandwich shop that happens to be franchised,” and I happen to work there.

In school I love Geology, History, Politics, Psychology, and English. Learning new things is what I love best. I would love a job where I could continually gain knowledge. My parents tell me I asked too many questions growing up. But how I wonder, am I to learn anything while I stand back, and wait for the world to answer my questions.

Writing is one of my many passions. I love sitting down and pouring my thoughts out on paper. Especially when they are read, and no one can make any sense of them. I have written more this past year, than I have in all my past years combined. I have an entire notebook full of my favorite poetry. For many years now I have faithfully written in a journal, and I really enjoy reading past writings. Blogging is also something I love doing. It is when you log onto the internet and write how you feel about, and view, the world around you.

When I am bored I pull out a book; because I love reading as well as writing. Someday I hope to write a book, and compile all my poems and blogs into one. Reading takes me into worlds, and places I would have never known existed.

My job has been a large part of my life these past few months. I love working at Quiznos! The people I work with are the greatest people; Adonis, El Guapo, Popsicle, Cucker, Magpie, Sorry, PeachyQueen, Trixie, and Calico, are all wonderful friends of mine. Big Red is my outstanding boss and manager.

I am a middle child in a family of six. I love my family! Together we enjoy movies, games, camping, and much more. On vacations we have recently visited the Redwood forest, Zion Park, Grand Canyon, Bear Lake, and other fun places.

I love church. Really what is not to like? With all your friends and family, you go and get to learn about Jesus! I am presently a laurel in the LDS church. Someday I would like to go on a mission, who knows though, I could be married first. I love reading my scriptures, and I know they have helped me find out who I really am.

All of our many life experiences and challenges have taught and shaped us into who we are. Everyday I am still discovering who I am. Now you know a little more about me. However, for you to really know who I am, I would need more paper.

July 15th, 2003

Today Wendy took us (Josh, Eric and I) to the dollar store on 5600w. Both Eric and Josh bought new lighters. When we got home we went over to Josh’s house. We were having a blast burning every spider web we could find in his yard; we also burned old beehives (which really stink!). After we burned everything in sight, except for the lawn, which would have burned the whole neighborhood down because everything is dead, we went in. We sat on the couch with Jessica, Josh’s sister, and he gets this, dumber than dumb, idea. He went and stood behind Jessica and lit his lighter. Well her hair caught on fire fast! He swapped at it and it went out, but was she mad!! Eric and I were laughing so hard my stomach hurt so bad! (Don’t get me wrong I love Jessica and all that, but seeing her hair on fire was pretty hilarious) We all jumped up and ran out of the house. Josh ran out first and jumped on Eric’s bike and rode quickly up the street to the tramp. Eric ran out of there so fast, he left his sandals in the front yard. I couldn’t run very fast, and had to stop a lot, because the scene that played over and over in my mind still had me doubled over with laughter. We shall never for get the day Josh caught his sister’s hair on fire! : )

After Josh’s fire ordeal, Eric decided on the 16th in the afternoon that he would light a laundry softener sheet on fire in his room. Then he threw it, still flaming, into a trash can full of newspaper, there was now a mini bonfire in his room. He picked up his now melting trashcan and dumped the whole mess in the bathroom sink. He turned on the water, closed the door then ran out of the house. I was downstairs and heard all the smoke detectors going off above. I went up there and opened the bathroom door and was blasted with smoke. The pile of trash had reignited after Eric dumped it and ash was everywhere. We are lucky it didn’t catch the wooden mirror above the sink on fire. Eric came home with josh and they cleaned it up before my mom got home, but when she did everything still smelled like smoke. All he had to do was clean up his mess, he wasn’t grounded or anything. If I had a kid who was dumb enough to make a fire IN the house I wouldn’t have been so nice. I mean, Wendy, Jeff and I all built our pyro fires outside; and we were clever enough to not get caught. Oh well, hopefully that never happens again : )

i hesitate posting this

Here is our story from my perspective:

I was thrilled; it had been a long time since my good friend Peachy Queen and I were in a class together. Walking in we discovered we were with many other good friends. She sat by Nate who was sitting by a guy who I knew, but didn’t know me. At this first meeting I idolized him. I was so excited to meet this guy who my friends were all friends with. He was laughing with Nate when we sat down and Peachy Queen apparently knew him too. He was cute and I hoped to be his friend too. He was friendly smiling when they introduced us.

I was better friends with Peachy Queen and he was better friends with Nate, so when they both left us we turned to each other. I quickly learned just how talented you were. When you read your Who I Am I was amazed by how much voice you had in your writing. I liked learning about you because I became interested. Peachy Queen and I talked about how English was going so of course you came up often.

You admired my writings. I was flattered, and trusted you so I let you in on my “secret” –Galvanized chaos. At that time I was faithfully writing. You liked my writings and I liked you. The end of the semester neared and knowledge that I would rarely see you anymore became apparent. So with the need to change my math class I went to my counselor. I changed math which was fifth but now needed a new one. Remembering you had seminary I quickly jumped in. I was a good little actor and acted quite surprised when we happily realized we were in a class still. I was glad to still be with my newest-found friend. –that was the life!

You began blogging, we talked and e-mailed about writing, school, and the future. You gave me a peek into a story in an e-mail about a girl who you liked, but things didn’t work out. At this point we were friends and I wanted to know about this crush you had. You were my S.O. and my writing buddy and I was most grateful to have you as a friend. Through seminary and hanging out at Holly’s house I learned more about who you were. I had heather teach me more about music; I wanted to learn everything about a French horn. We went to Alexis’s house to play games. She was now my newest friend. We met through my date with Austin. You sat next to me. You were apparently tired, yet when I found out how much sleep you had, I became confused and worried. Yet I stupidly, blindly didn’t see the truth behind your misguided lies. You became sick and I was full of compassion. I wasn’t sure how to help or even if you wanted my help, but I tried and when I went back to give you your glasses I was distraught. I wanted so badly to help but I knew it was a line I could not at that time cross.

That made us stronger. I held a secret that I honorably kept. And a few times needed to cut down Crisco before she leaked. You shared with me a dark suspicion. I became a vacuum sucking in all the info I could. Through lies I was able to stay on the computer to research all I could. I have since wanted to ask you about it, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up.

The shift in our friendship was when you asked me out on a date. I was so excited I was telling everyone about it. I had tons of fun playing pool and bowling.

I am not sure why but I was living in the present, I usually am. I didn’t look into the future; I didn’t consider my motives at all. I thought your asking me on a date was because Trak Star wanted to go with Peachy Queen but not alone. It seemed logical that because I am her good friend and you are his, and so are we that we went. I didn’t think you liked me more than a friend… I didnt know you liked me as much as I really liked you...

People tread through the poorly maintained lot, their bodies exhausted, from another stressful workday. I could hear them slamming their car doors, as if that was their relief for having a bad day. Orange rust eats at the white peeling paint on the tainted depreciated car, which struggles to start. After a few tries, the unsympathetic, unreliable engine comes alive. Its sagging tail pipe erupts a smoggy, black, polluting smoke. The tail pipe is moderately held up by a quick fix bent metal coat hanger. Sounds of rackety exhaust, and rasping brake pads come from the congested river of traffic, which flows through the busy intersection a block away.

We all dream; yet, we do not understand our dreams

Freezing black rain falls from the cloudy sky above
Traveling through thick darkness, drops splash upon my warm face
Bundled in feathers and scarves, I silently, thoughtfully stand
I peer up, lightning flashes, the wind gathers and cleanses my soul
Black asphalt again carried my worn shoes to this dread filled place
The smells of anger and death linger heavy in the soaking air
Although my heart has healed, scars will forever remain to remind
I have come to bid a loving farewell for the final time
Sweetly reminiscing times long past are no longer painful
Clumsily falling to my knees in the thick grass, I somehow control emotion
Cold unfeeling stone now holds my Lover’s name, a name I cannot speak
Placing a white rose upon new earth, regrets burn within my aching soul
Suddenly Passion lets loose, and hot tears mix with dirty rain
The earth holds me as I plead for inner peace to never leave
My long hair falls into wet ringlets around my tear-strewn figure
The heavens above perceive my agony and cry along with me
In this sickening town I pray for escape from pain, and most of all- Memory
I surely thirst for your touch once again and forever

The time ticks by slowly, as the life gradually drains from the cold figure upon the hard hospital bed. Deep, trembling breaths fill the tear-saturated room. Thick silence rests like black fog upon the shoulders of those present. A steady beat from a heart monitor sets a sardonic mood as it threatens to break rhythm. Family and friends have gathered to plead for last farewells. A diligent nurse penetrates the hush scene to take pulse. Her sudden voice fills the air; she gives two options: the pay or the plug. The penniless quickly whisper fears throughout. Questions linger; can anyone repay the due? Must the life be taken on such circumstances; is there anything that can be done? Negative responses sting their hearts, a decision has been made. Now conclusion will take place.

The Divide

The chasm between us was born before we existed. Slowly we have come to the edge, come to know each other. First impressions did not impress. Going separate for a while, then we were suddenly thrust into the widening hole together again. Repeatedly we escaped, to only return by force. From fears, flirtings began to fly. We were beginning to enjoy the evils that lurked below and all around us. Quietly volunteering, no longer pushing. Overcoming insecurities, finally conquering the breech that separated our souls.

Purposely we fell closer together. Moving earth against the world's resistance. As one we began defeating instability and we soon found comforts in foreign lands. Calling victory to us as torments ceased, while thick secrecy bound our lies in unison. Thunderously the earth broke free, reaching cliffs of cliffs, thirsting to reunite. Expanse is the new outcome of our actions.